There are a lot of things that we learn throughout a relationship and there are also quite a lot of things that we “misunderstood” when it comes to the following:
1. Getting Used to VS Getting Tired of:
A lot of times when I get when I was telling my friends about my relationship problems, quite often I would get the answer: “Maybe he’s just used to you that’s why…”
“He said that when he looks at me in the morning, he doesn’t want to kiss me because he was put off by the way I look when I sleep…”
“He said that I don’t look pretty.”
“He doesn’t even hug me anymore or touch me before we make love”
“MAYBE HE’S JUST USED TO YOU…”
No!!! That’s called “getting tired of”.
If you love someone you get “used to” seeing his face everyday in the morning and kiss him goodbye before you go to work.
You get “used to” his voice, his touch and his hugs.
You get “used to” the fact that you have him next to you when you sleep.
You get “USED TO” loving him and him being around, that’s GETTING USED TO someone.
When someone doesn’t make an effort to remember your anniversary date or knowing what makes you smile or knowing what makes you feel comfortable, that’s NOT “getting used to”; that’s what it’s called: “Getting tired of” or even worse is that “getting sick of”.
2. Suggestion VS Criticism:
When your partner give you suggestions, they should be sincere, should be private and should be respectful with your feelings. When he say to you which hurt your feelings because he’s attacking you personally on certain things that has to do with you as a person, that’s criticism.
Example: You want to start exercising because you feel that you not happy about the way your body looks
– Suggestion: “Babe, we can start a healthy diet with your exercising plans.”
– Criticism: “You are FAT and becoming so unattractive!”
Example: Spark up your mood for love making
-Suggestion: “Babe, you would look so sexy in those lingerie, turns me on!!”
-Criticism: “You never want to wear things that can turn me on, you boring!!!”
Sometimes we would think that the criticisms are the “suggestions in the harsh way” ,but NO! If it’s any ugly words that make you feel like you are being attacked for who you are, either is the way you look or about what you should change in your personality, don’t take them as “suggestions” and think that “oh… maybe he just want me to become better…” NO! Someone who loves you should not say things that hurt you!
3. Acceptance VS Tolerance:
To accept someone into your life, you have to sometimes make adjustments in your understanding to take in some of the personal preferences of your partner. Accepting is when you accept his personality and how he does things; tolerating is more like taking in the behaviours which you do not accept but you would say to yourself “it’s OK”.
Things like: he likes to social and enjoys his time out with his friends; he enjoys his drinks occasionally; he uses the “F” word when he talks. BUT if he goes out whenever he pleases without telling you where he’s going and when he’ll be back; he’s an alcoholic; he uses the “F” word on you… and you take them in… that’s tolerating the unacceptable behaviours.
That is not going to make you the “understanding” person who has the bigger heart to accept his “flaws”, that’s just going to make his behaviours become more worse and eventually he will start to walk all over you and have no respect for you.
4. Busy VS No Time:
If you know that your partner does work hard and he does tell you where he is and how long he is going to be busy with work until, give the guy a break and don’t nag about him don’t have time for you. Sometimes when a guy needs to work, he needs to work, all you can do is be supportive and be understanding.
BUT if you know that he doesn’t have plans and not really working and he tells you that he has no time, then it means that he does not have time for you!
Being busy and have no time for you is not the same… Being busy means that he’ll be finished with whatever he is doing and when he can take his mind off from the stress once he’s done, he will have time for you. When someone tells you that he has “NO TIME”, that means there will NEVER be a time for YOU!
5. Forgiving VS Ignoring the Facts:
Forgive when he forgets certain things; or he apologized after you fought about disagreements on certain things. Forgive each other when you did something that you didn’t meant to intentionally hurt the other.
PLEASE DON’T ignore the fact that: he’s a cheater; he’s an addict; he hit you then apologized; or he says something intentionally to hurt you… these are the things that’s not unintentionally done to you, if he ever do things like that to hurt you, trust me, he KNOWS what he’s doing. Do NOT accept apologies even when he begs for your forgiveness, because you would just be ignoring the facts that he’s a jerk!
The above mentioned do not just apply from men to women, they go both ways, for a relationship takes two people who are willing to learn about each other and grow with each other to become partners that can be with each other. Notice the differences in these points and watch out for the signs. Wish everyone can have understanding for your love ones and go the distance~ All the best to all~ 😉