Ever encounter a man at a party or any social event who is very talkative and charming?
Ever met a man, who makes you wonder “how on earth is this man still single?”
Ever met someone who sometimes when you listen to what he is talking about makes you just want to roll your eyes and think to yourself:” Oh man…He’s talking about himself, AGAIN!”
Yes, these are some of the thoughts you might have when you meet a Narcissist.
A Narcissist is someone with “overly boosted” of his self confidence. This is a type of personality disorder when a person is overly confident and in love with him/her self. Now don’t get me wrong, I love myself and so should everyone else love themselves, but that doesn’t classify me as a Narcissist. In fact, everyone does have certain healthy level of narcissistic characteristics in them. Healthy level means that we are narcissists because we love ourselves.
But a Narcissist can ONLY love himself because no one else would be good enough for him.
So here are the typical signs and symptoms of a Narcissist:
- Overly self centered
- Very self confident that becomes egocentric
- Highly sensitive towards other people’s opinions about him
- Defensive when confronted by others about what he’s done wrong to them
- Have difficulty dealing with other people’s feelings i.e. cannot put himself in other’s shoes
- Often brags and exaggerates about his achievements and what he has
- Likes appraisals and admiration from others and dislike those who doesn’t
- Sees himself more important and superior than others
- Thinks that the world and people revolve around him
- Constant needs to “take” (e.g. buy a lot of things because he just “needs to have it” )
What can often happen is that when you first encounter a Narcissist, he or she may appear to be very charming but if you pay close attention to what he/she is talking about, he may always be talking about how expensive his watch is, what car he drives, what he has done to make so much money, how other’s envy and jealous of him, and even how much people love him…
However, a Narcissist is very self contradicting person. The high self confidence of a Narcissist often comes from other people’s appraisals and admiration, this gives him that “boost of ego” and to make sure that he is the “best”. That explains why a Narcissist often likes to brag about himself in order to impress others so then he can get the admiration from others, and this cycle will keep on repeating itself as long as he can get what he wants from others. He may also be someone who is always helpful with a lot of things in order for him to get the appraisals that he wants.
A Narcissist can be a very “sensitive” person, that is, sensitive towards his own needs and feelings. He cares a lot about what other people think of him therefore he may always appear to be the “perfect nice guy” that everyone loves, but when you become a partner of a Narcissist, it can be very different. Being a partner of a Narcissist can become very tiring and you can become emotionally drained from it, because a Narcissist sees others as items instead of as individuals. He always puts his needs and wants before others, therefore he would have difficulties keeping a healthy relationship with others. He would always appear to be the “nice guy” with the people he first met but once you get to know him in more detail, the true colours would start to come out and they’re ugly, especially if you become a partner or a friend of a Narcissist. He sees people as types of “supply” for his needs and wants but he cannot and will not give back the same. You are simply a “thing” that he sucks out whenever he needs his boost for either his ego, his needs for admiration, his needs of being superior or his needs of being needed.
A Narcissist often see others “lower” than him, it is quite ironic though, for he needs others to make himself feel superior than others. He may also “talk down” or criticize on someone specifically to make him become the superior one among other people. That specific someone is often referred to as his partner.
He also cannot accept any criticisms or people’s opinions about him, because he is “the best”, how can anyone thinks that he is doing something wrong or something that’s not good? He thinks that the world revolves around him and is very controlling towards others, things always have to be done in his way and his way ONLY, this is because he cannot relate himself with others. He has difficulties with empathy because he cannot feel what others feel, but they must feel and understand how he feels. This can also be one of the reasons why he can be a very difficult person to be with.
To sum up, a Narcissist is someone who is self-centered and difficult to please. He loves no one but himself. He is a person with a huge hole in his heart that he needs to constantly take from others to fill up that hole because he doesn’t have that “something” within him. Everything is focused on HIM and HIM only. He is not “sick”, it is a type of personality disorder when his sense of self is too overly blown up to an extend that he cannot fit others in.
Help can be given, but that is only when HE wants to accept it. It is not easy to change a Narcissist, because he wouldn’t want to change for he sees himself as “perfect”.
So next time if you meet a person who shows some of the signs mentioned above, be alert.